WHAT WE WORE | Nursing in Public
Motherhood changes you in a lot of ways. You may have heard about how it changes your boobs (Hellooooo nurse!), but maybe you haven’t thought about how it changes how you feel about your boobs. What used to be something private, becomes something you share with your little baby. And unless you want to nurse in isolation, you’ll need to whip our your boobs at any moment— regardless of where you are or how many strangers are peering onward. With my first breastfeeding experience, I hated how it made me feel anxious about my breasts, even more self conscious, and sometimes ashamed. (I’m not proud of that, but I’m just being honest.) I was incredibly nervous about nursing in public. You see, it’s a bit trickier for bigger girls to keep their… err… girls hidden when trying to nurse discreetly. Being someone who’s cared about modesty historically, and someone who has been acutely aware of how nervous nursing in public makes most people (awkward), I preferred to leave the room, nurse in my car, and even nurse in the public restroom (I can’t believe I felt ashamed enough to do this!).
Now that I have a toddler, I’ve been forced to become much less shy about nursing. I can’t just drag a toddler with me to nurse in private, and quite frankly, I don’t feel embarrassed or nervous, making me feel the need to run and hide whenever my baby is hungry. With this second breast feeding experience, my mindset is a mixture of courtesy and flippancy. I’ve becomes quite a skilled nurser for the sake of those around me— people who get antsy when a women nurses in public. They’d have to look pretty closely to see any boob. But I also figure— Hey, if they don’t want to see it, they don’t have to look. But my baby’s gotta eat, so I don’t really care too terribly much if it makes people nervous!
Because I do try to be courteous and discreet, I’ve become much more concerned with what I wear these days. The easiest thing to do is wear a loose fitting shirt overtop of a camisole. I can pull down the camisole and lift up the shirt to create a small exposed area for Juniper to nurse, without exposing my stomach or any of my chest. But if I want to dress more creatively, I’ve learned that it is possible! I can even wear a dress and nurse discreetly in public without anyone knowing it’s happening. This is a development I’m pretty excited about.
I quickly found that cute nursing clothes are anything but cheap, so I selected a few classic pieces that I can wear frequently (Think: 4 times a week usually!), so it would be worth the investment. This is my favorite dress that I can mix up with accessories, and now that Fall is on its way, jackets and sweaters. I love it! All I need to do to nurse is lift up the top and pull down the area underneath it. Bet you wouldn’t have known I was nursing in the first photo if I hadn’t told you!
What has your experience been with nursing in public? Have you ever been that person who doesn’t know where to look when a woman is nursing? Or maybe you were that mama gathering the courage to feed her child in the company of others? It’s an interesting point of conflict in our culture, which is kind of sad, but I understand how it’s gotten to be that way because of certain cultural vewpoints of women’s bodies and how they’re portrayed sexually more than most anything else. I’d love to hear your thoughts!
O U T F I T D E T A I L S :
- Dress: discontinued in this sleeveless style- here’s the long sleeve version
- Cape: vintage
- Hat: thrifted
- Shoes: Hush Puppies
- Juniper’s pacifier clip: Valpo Studio on Etsy
- Juniper’s pacifier: Natursutten
- Lucy’s dress, scar, and shoes: thrifted
- Lucy’s socks: Jefferies
I’ve breastfed my daughter Olivia for over 2 years, on demand, so literally everywhere. The first few weeks I used a cover that my mom made me (before I became a mom I was convinced I wanted to breastfeed but not without one). After a few weeks, when Olivia started to latch a lot better and I was more comfortable and confident with all the holes in the t-shirts I’ve ditched the cover and never looked back. I also lucked out with an excellent shop called: Boobs ‘n burps, specialized in breastfeeding, in my town (Antwerp, Belgium). They sell these awesome nursing bras, invented by Belgian moms, that made me feel covered: http://boobs-n-burps.be/en/nursing-bras/nursing-bra-mammae-grey-glamour If all goes well, another little one will join our family in December and I can’t wait to start a new ‘breastfeeding-story’. Before becoming a mom I used to be the fully supportive though also kind of awkward feeling friend. ;) Times change!
I agree, the first I was much more shy about nursing. Now my third is 2 months and I don’t really think about it. I always have a thin blanket (flannel or gauze) and it doubles as a cover. I felt silly using an actual cover. But the hardest part is clothing. I get tired of wearing shirts and would like to wear dresses. That’s my biggest complaint. But I’m thankful to be able to nurse and it’s a small price to pay. :)
I wonder if there are any patterns/hack for a dress liker this?
I was thinking about this too. My thoughts are if you find a long tube skirt (like from the thrift store) and coordinating crop top. You could overlap them so the skirt goes up underneath the top and sew them together in the back only, leaving the overlapping area accessible in the front. I mean, you might as well just leave them as separates, but sewing them together could keep the skirt from falling too low, or the shirt creeping up. I don’t know! haha
there are!! i googled this when I was trying to make my own, but I decided my sewing skills and time needed didn’t really work out… I don’t have any links sorry, but def check out google and youtube for nursing shirts or dresses to get pictures and patterns.
I am long past childbearing age but I can remember just using a receiving blanket to cover with when nursing. Fully support women nursing wherever they are. Your little Lucy is beautiful and I love that b/w photo! She looks so much like you and Juniper looks like Daddy! Thanks for sharing!
Sorry sorry sorry for the really awkward question, but could you post a picture (not of you wearing it obviously!) of what the dress looks like underneath that top part that you lift up? I love the idea of nursing dresses like this and I’m trying to figure out how to sew one myself (modifying a dress pattern I already have), but the mechanics of it are still a bit lost on me!
There usually is an overlap, underneath it’s held together by an elastic band. https://zween.wordpress.com/2012/08/27/pin-spiration-diy-nursing-t-shirt/ -http://shop.boobdesign.com/en/product/691/maternity-dress-nursing-dress-leo (underneath the little pictures there’s a ‘how this garment works’ pop up) I don’t know if these pictures makes it any clearer?
Yeah, I can see how it would be confusing! Here is the sleeveless shirt version from the same company. One of the product images shows the model pulling the fabric away: http://amzn.to/1ihgssN
I feel the same way about nursing. I just finished exclusively nursing my second (at 13 months) a couple of months ago. With the second I was much less nervous and didn’t care at all what others thought. Like you said, if they don’t like it, they don’t need to look. I never even tried covering my baby’s head over a blanket because I didn’t want to suffocate him and I couldn’t see what I was doing. I did use a breastfeeding top though, when in public, I had 2 (like you said, they’re expensive) and that’s all I used. I didn’t go out much in the first few months when I needed to breastfeed almost every other hour. I like your trick about the layered tank and shirt. I’ll remember that for the next one. :)
I’ve never even thought that nursing in public was weird before I learnt that it was a problem for you guys in the States. Here in Europe we’re more laid back, apparently. It feels strange to think that you have to be ashamed or forced to go to the restroom for something as wonderful and miraculous as giving sustenance to a little human being. In my humble opinion, if someone has a problem with it, then THEY are the problematic ones. You go girl!!!
goodness you write so much good parenting stuff and I’m late reading it again! I LOVED that brand when i was nursing! i found quite alot second hand. The first time I nursed in public i think i will always remember! i was not prepared at all and just flashed like everything in panic because my baby decided she was dying of hunger right this minute and people just had to cope! And they did. Esp women gave me lots of smiles.
Often bigger malls have opened special rooms for baby care in my town now – with changing tables along a bench, so you never need to stand in line with a diaper emergency, and a collection of comfy chairs and a table, maybe even a TV. I would have LOVED that for our nursing but we never went to malls. I was fine with boobs showing, I had the awesome shirts and different solutions, but i realised a different problem that no one had ever warned me of. I became SUPER protective during our nursing cuddles, and if people got “too close” or made me feel weird I would hug my baby more and be ready for fist fights or something. Had to keep a foot ready if i needed to kick someones chins. It was really stressful! I felt bad for the nursing community to hide away but i swear it was for my sanity! :D
I just had a baby last week and haven’t had the opportunity to nurse in public but I’ll take any excuse to have my boob out in public. ;) I live in Chicago so I see a lot of boob/side boob during the warm months; I missed out on it since I was pregnant all summer long so this will be me making up for lost time. Tit for…tit!
Hi Mandi –
I’m not a Mum, but we are trying to conceive, and I wondered if I could ask you a question that’s probably SUPER-obvious to already-Mums, so I apologise, but where else can you ask odd questions except on the web?!
I wondered, I’m assuming you’d wear a bra under a nursing top (I’d certainly have to!)? Are there ‘nursing bras’ that come neatly undone or something? So, you have to undo your nursing top/dress, then your nursing bra, then…do the whole thing in reverse – all whilst trying not to drop your baby?! How does this work?!
Sorry for the probably stoopid question.
Thanks, Maya.
Not a weird question at all! It takes a bit of practice, and usually you’re sitting down when you get situated to nurse. I usually place baby beside me on the sofa when I’m at home, but out in public I lay her on my lap (on her back) and hold her with one hand, while the other hand reaches under my top, or under the slit in my top in this dress’s case, and unlach the nursing flap on my bra. Usually they are very easy to unlatch, it’s just the refastening that always requires more attention in my experience. I’ve never been able to refasten the nursing bra flap with just one hand, so I usually just elevate my knees to keep baby from falling down while I quickly adjust myself. You’ll figure out what works for you, don’t worry! It just takes some practice. :)